Losing Negativity

Why is it so hard for us to lose people who we know are no good for us? The people who take advantage and the people who we give a million chances to but continue to not get the point. I start to wonder… after someone disappoints us over and over again, do we still see them for who they are, or do we create this illusion of a person..who we want them to be? Every situation is different of course, but I believe we create these illusions after a while. At some point we need to acknowledge that there needs to be a real change. I’m the first to say, if it doesn’t make you happy get rid of it. But I don’t always follow my own advice now do I, lol. It’s something I need to tackle as well, learning how to implement change without feeling bad for giving up on someone. I think kind-hearted people, the overly emotional ones, the ones with the biggest hearts, tend to get hurt the most because we want to believe that everyone else is like us too. We need to hold on to that hope and faith in people to get us by. So we give out these 2nd and 3rd and 10th chances until we feel exhausted and broken down. But I don’t think it’s fair for us to do that to ourselves. Why should we break ourselves down and allow these negative people/things in our lives? If you can feel yourself relating to this then I think it’s time for all of us to reevaluate a few things. Speaking personally, I’ve recently come to the realization that I’m at fault and I have to take some kind of responsibility here. I allowed, for a very long time, to let negative people rub their energy off on me and then turn around and wonder why I’m so upset. I don’t know about you but I can always feel negative energy. You know how? Because it sparks a change in me. I get so beyond affected by anyone’s negative vibes. I learned that I need to be careful with this because it brings out the absolute worst in me. I become a person I don’t want to be, I become the same person who brought this negative energy. So how should anyone implement change when it comes to this? Well, obviously obviously obviously, GET-RID-OF-THAT-PERSON-OR-THING. That’s just common sense, right? It’s definitely harder than it sounds but we must realize that we need to begin treating ourselves as top priority. If you even have to question a friendship or relationship, you should probably run the other way. I’m just going to say it honestly. They’re not worth it. Anyone who doesn’t return to you what you give to them should be removed and marked as negative. Another thing we can do is make our decision to be about rationality and come to peace. If we approach this decision with anger and bitterness then we are letting it control us and probably won’t learn from the mistake. But, if we tackle this problem with a clarity and with rationale and understanding, then we will leave with peace. And that is the goal, right? The goal is inner peace. That is the whole point of getting rid of negativity. I’m not pushing this one on anyone else, but i’m going to begin listening to my body. I have a pretty good sense of judgement, so when I meet someone the first couple of times I pick up on whether they are my cup of tea or not. This is just a protective measure for me to take because honestly, friendships are just exhausting and I don’t necessarily feel like I need a million friends or need a particular man. This isn’t to say that I won’t allow opportunity for new people in my life, but I just feel like our body speaks to us when they are warning us of danger or bad vibes and I think it’s about time we listen. We must consider these things when we think about who we are and who we want to become. Do you want to be doubtful of the people around you, or do you want to be happy, rest-assured knowing that your space is a positive one? Let’s put ourselves first, and let go of this negativity so we can focus on being the best versions of ourselves.

Indecisiveness

I know I shouldn’t

But it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to

I know its wrong

But it doesn’t mean that I want to be right

I know I shouldn’t crave your love

But I want to forget for one night

I want to forget the judgments forget the consequences

But if I take this risk, I can’t take it back

I know I’m the farthest from traditional

But I need to think things through

I shouldn’t say “Fuck all of the rules”

But they don’t apply to me and you

 

Monologue from “Ride” By: Lana Del Rey

I was in the winter of my life

And the men I met along the road were my only summer

At night I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them

Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me

And my only real happy times

I was a singer

Not a very popular one

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet

But upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky

That I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken

But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing how I had been living, they asked me why, but there’s no use in talking to people who have a home

They have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people

For home to be wherever you lie your head

I was always an unusual girl

My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul

No moral compass pointing me due north

No fixed personality

Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean

And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying

Because I was born to be the other woman

Who belonged to no one

Who belonged to everyone

Who had nothing

Who wanted everything

With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it

And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me

Who are you?

Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?

Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?

I have

I am fucking crazy

But I am free.