There was a fork in the road, and I had no insight on which way to go. I needed to explore my options to make sure that I would make the right choice. I could keep going straight, and continue to live in a lie. Or I could pick a new direction and go either left or right. Going left could mean possible destruction, an opening for yet another disaster. But going right, that could mean having to face everything that I wasn’t strong enough to face yet, the fact that I would be alone. The path that I was currently on was eating away at me, it killed my spirit. I had woken up one day so unhappy with how I was living that I felt sick to my stomach. I would look in the mirror and not be able to recognize the girl in the reflection. Suddenly my hair seemed dull, and my eyes too small for my face, and you could forget about my complexion, had I ever seen the light? I had lost myself, unrecognizable even to me. So, no. Going straight was not an option for me. Well, what about left? I could find a new spark to fill me, hopefully revive myself that way. But would it really help? Or is it just another opportunity, another heartbreak waiting to happen. It’s so scary, to love. You put yourself out there and just hope that the other person knows what they’re doing. But what if they don’t, where does that lead you? It leaves you on the floor, at 3 in the morning, crying your eyes out. Or wondering why they don’t love you back. Or feeling like you’re not enough. I couldn’t go through that again, I couldn’t open myself for that possibility. So I chose to go right. I chose to get to know myself. I knew it would be scary ,and trying, but the other options were impossible. I couldn’t do that to myself, I owed it to me. I said, if I could get inlined with own body and spirit, I will never allow myself to stay in a position where I’m treated less than I deserve. It won’t take me six years to wake up from a fantasy of how he could’ve been instead of what he actually was. I would know what to do, I would know when and how to listen to myself and put myself first. The right path is what I chose. I chose myself. This road was the hardest one, also the longest. But someone wise once told me the path that seemed the shortest would be a wider one, with more room for people to walk alongside you to help. But the path that would be longer, was more narrow, with only room for yourself. It is lonely, only having space for one foot at a time, but the most worth it, because if you could get through it alone, you would find your power, knowing that you were capable of traveling that distance on your own. That is so important, you know? Knowing that you can take other people’s lemons and make them into your own lemonade. Knowing that you can pick yourself up and take your own self on a journey to self-love. Securing a good head on your shoulders, so good that people will know exactly how to treat you because you would set such a high standard for even yourself. My fork in the road led me right, towards a path that finally enabled me to choose myself. It was the best direction I’ve ever went and distance worth traveling.
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