Wallow

There I was.

Naked, and bare thought.

In the middle of the ocean.

I had gotten far enough to not see anyone,

Or anything,

But god and his creation.

Blue.

Head and body against the waves,

I was at peace.

I was in a state of oblivion.

I rested in the water and let it take me,

As it pleased.

My ears heard nothing.

And my eyes slowly closed,

as black became a comfort.

I was where I wanted to be.

In a place where I couldn’t hear love.

I felt so at home,

That I wished for the sea to take me

Into it’s beautiful arms.

Indefinitely.

And never return me to love again.

Roots

As you’ll lie on my chest, I’ll pray that you do not hear my cries. And as you’ll feel my heartbeat I’ll hope that you do not feel my pain. I’ll hope that my past remains an unfamiliar face, a person you would never had to have known. I will not wish for you, my very own blood, the same hand that I was dealt. I can not and will not will you the same fortune as I.

Though our roots run deep, I am happy to say that they will be torched. They will be cut and broken, and destroyed. I cannot allow you, my dear, to be apart of these roots. For you, I will plant a new tree. With beautiful, healthy, everlasting roots. After me, you will water this tree. And ensure that these roots remain healthy, a thing the ones before me never did.

But me, I will never forget the roots I will destroy. They serve a purpose way too meaningful. Clarity. Though they were detrimental, they had a beautiful quality in them, a particularly sinister beauty. Because the things that are ugly to the eye still hold a type of beauty in them, that is the way of nature. The beauty is the knowing, the newfound understanding. The beauty is the calm after the storm. I am the calm after the storm. The many storms that corrupted my tree. But what is meant to happen after a storm? Rebuilding.

So, for you and yours, I will rebuild. For the beautiful sake of you, I will ensure that your new tree will be better. Your tree will have a strong foundation so that it can withstand the storms, never compromising its roots. Never a need to rebuild. And you, and your line, will be nothing of mine. You will be rebuilt, anew, and so strong. The ones strong enough to break the chain.

Call me by your name

Call me by the name of your own,

Only then will I be officially yours.

No other way will make me sure, 

That I will be the queen of your throne.

Lay on my heart and call it your home.

I will promise not to make love a chore.

Our lows may hit as low as the floor

But still the sweetest you’ve ever known

 

Your name on your lips, sounds divine.

One plus one still equaling only one 

Because we are synched indefinitely.

What is mine is yours, and yours is mine.

I know this love will never be undone.

Just promise to love me exceptionally.

Poor Pink matter

My poor pink matter has officially dulled out 

It only hears a dramatic nothing but the same 

Thoughts as others carelessly speak about

 

As I walk home unattended in the rain 

The drops seem to surpass right by me

No umbrella doesn’t even cause me to strain

 

I look far and blankly into space defined free

I don’t know where I have recklessly gone

To or what has seemed to come over me 

 

Before I know it a whole fifty-seven long

Minutes have passed me effortlessly by 

And I didn’t know my direction was wrong 

 

My life has become this, and I can’t even cry

Because my brain won’t remember to remind me

It is dulled out I said, It can’t even try to try

 

Grey and Black

There has always been a grey in me,

an indecisiveness as big as the sea.

There are always decisions I cannot reach.

But this one, this one needed to be.

 Our ending, well, that is my black

My soul will never be restored

Look into my eyes, you will see that

I am someone who can’t be cured.

Your death, left a marker in my mind

It is the very same day that I too, died

So tell me my love, is there any room inside,

That box of yours, where I can just say goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Waves

We go to the beach and stare into the ocean. We notice the waves and think of such tranquility . Why is it that we see such violence and think of it’s beauty? That’s the way I used to think of you..

***

Every time the waves would hit I’d close my eyes and think of you.

I’d think of your rough tide and the roar of your waters

and how still, I wanted to sit somewhere close and look into you.

I’d think of how I had jumped into you without knowing how deep and dark your ocean was

yet still, I trusted you.

How even when your biggest wave hit and you knocked me across the ocean floor,

I still stood up and went in again and again for more.

But within the strength of your high tide I found mine

and before I knew it I was able to find my own waters

and drift away from yours.

Give Me Back

Give me back what you once gave, then took away

And if you cant give that back

Then give me back what I gave to you, and you threw away

 

Because the choice has to be to walk completely together or walk completely alone

We can’t continue to walk two miles apart

Because what’ll happen is i’ll trip and fall, while you continue not to notice anything

 

But if we can walk completely together….

Then we may both trip

But we’ll be there to pick each other up

 

And if we choose to walk completely alone,

Then i’ll accept

But don’t forget to give ME back, to me

 

 

Indecisiveness

I know I shouldn’t

But it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to

I know its wrong

But it doesn’t mean that I want to be right

I know I shouldn’t crave your love

But I want to forget for one night

I want to forget the judgments forget the consequences

But if I take this risk, I can’t take it back

I know I’m the farthest from traditional

But I need to think things through

I shouldn’t say “Fuck all of the rules”

But they don’t apply to me and you