An Elegy: Dead and Gone

I know that you are now gone,

Though I don’t want it to be true.

Because your presence I still long,

Or just one chance to hold you.

I imagine what you would’ve been,

And how our days would be.

But you are indeed gone with the wind

God needed you for his own keep.

So I sit here, with paper and pen,

Trying to keep your memory alive.

But my heart cannot and will not mend.

Oh why, why did you have to die?

But that is just the rule of life, right?

People die and loved ones move on.

So here is my heartbreaking goodbye,

Rest in Peace to my love gone.

Call me by your name

Call me by the name of your own,

Only then will I be officially yours.

No other way will make me sure, 

That I will be the queen of your throne.

Lay on my heart and call it your home.

I will promise not to make love a chore.

Our lows may hit as low as the floor

But still the sweetest you’ve ever known

 

Your name on your lips, sounds divine.

One plus one still equaling only one 

Because we are synched indefinitely.

What is mine is yours, and yours is mine.

I know this love will never be undone.

Just promise to love me exceptionally.

Poor Pink matter

My poor pink matter has officially dulled out 

It only hears a dramatic nothing but the same 

Thoughts as others carelessly speak about

 

As I walk home unattended in the rain 

The drops seem to surpass right by me

No umbrella doesn’t even cause me to strain

 

I look far and blankly into space defined free

I don’t know where I have recklessly gone

To or what has seemed to come over me 

 

Before I know it a whole fifty-seven long

Minutes have passed me effortlessly by 

And I didn’t know my direction was wrong 

 

My life has become this, and I can’t even cry

Because my brain won’t remember to remind me

It is dulled out I said, It can’t even try to try

 

Grey and Black

There has always been a grey in me,

an indecisiveness as big as the sea.

There are always decisions I cannot reach.

But this one, this one needed to be.

 Our ending, well, that is my black

My soul will never be restored

Look into my eyes, you will see that

I am someone who can’t be cured.

Your death, left a marker in my mind

It is the very same day that I too, died

So tell me my love, is there any room inside,

That box of yours, where I can just say goodbye.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Waves

We go to the beach and stare into the ocean. We notice the waves and think of such tranquility . Why is it that we see such violence and think of it’s beauty? That’s the way I used to think of you..

***

Every time the waves would hit I’d close my eyes and think of you.

I’d think of your rough tide and the roar of your waters

and how still, I wanted to sit somewhere close and look into you.

I’d think of how I had jumped into you without knowing how deep and dark your ocean was

yet still, I trusted you.

How even when your biggest wave hit and you knocked me across the ocean floor,

I still stood up and went in again and again for more.

But within the strength of your high tide I found mine

and before I knew it I was able to find my own waters

and drift away from yours.

Give Me Back

Give me back what you once gave, then took away

And if you cant give that back

Then give me back what I gave to you, and you threw away

 

Because the choice has to be to walk completely together or walk completely alone

We can’t continue to walk two miles apart

Because what’ll happen is i’ll trip and fall, while you continue not to notice anything

 

But if we can walk completely together….

Then we may both trip

But we’ll be there to pick each other up

 

And if we choose to walk completely alone,

Then i’ll accept

But don’t forget to give ME back, to me

 

 

Indecisiveness

I know I shouldn’t

But it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to

I know its wrong

But it doesn’t mean that I want to be right

I know I shouldn’t crave your love

But I want to forget for one night

I want to forget the judgments forget the consequences

But if I take this risk, I can’t take it back

I know I’m the farthest from traditional

But I need to think things through

I shouldn’t say “Fuck all of the rules”

But they don’t apply to me and you

 

Monologue from “Ride” By: Lana Del Rey

I was in the winter of my life

And the men I met along the road were my only summer

At night I fell asleep with visions of myself dancing and laughing and crying with them

Three years down the line of being on an endless world tour and my memories of them were the only things that sustained me

And my only real happy times

I was a singer

Not a very popular one

I once had dreams of becoming a beautiful poet

But upon an unfortunate series of events saw those dreams dashed and divided like a million stars in the night sky

That I wished on over and over again, sparkling and broken

But I didn’t really mind because I knew that it takes getting everything you ever wanted and then losing it to know what true freedom is

When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing how I had been living, they asked me why, but there’s no use in talking to people who have a home

They have no idea what its like to seek safety in other people

For home to be wherever you lie your head

I was always an unusual girl

My mother told me that I had a chameleon soul

No moral compass pointing me due north

No fixed personality

Just an inner indecisiveness that was as wide and as wavering as the ocean

And if I said I didn’t plan for it to turn out this way I’d be lying

Because I was born to be the other woman

Who belonged to no one

Who belonged to everyone

Who had nothing

Who wanted everything

With a fire for every experience and an obsession for freedom that terrified me to the point that I couldn’t even talk about it

And pushed me to a nomadic point of madness that both dazzled and dizzied me

Who are you?

Are you in touch with all of your darkest fantasies?

Have you created a life for yourself where you can experience them?

I have

I am fucking crazy

But I am free.

 

A Sea Change

I look out the window and wonder

How relaxing the ocean could be

A place where I could see stars from under

Just me and the sea

Living in this place gets too loud

Sometimes I can’t hear myself think

I feel as if I’m not living this life proud

My life is passing me by in a blink

I want to start over, become anew

Make new friends, make new memories

Become a person not always so blue

And maybe discover new therapies

Sometimes I imagine myself in a cute beach house

It has huge windows, and decorated in all white

I’m wearing a big sun hat and a flowy blouse

Making my way to the café so I can write

Why can’t I have all of this at home?

This desire is known as a Sea Change

Its normally when you start to feel so alone

That you decide you no longer want to stay

But it takes a lot of courage to leave

Its scary to start over, will I ever be brave enough?

Or maybe it’s just a fantasy, just another crazy dream

Another thing I “think” I want, another bluff

Maybe one day I could carry this one out

Finally, be adventurous, and take a true chance

I could truly live, instead of moping about

But for now, I’ll dream on…and live in another trance